The Idea Across the Walls of my Heart

I HAVE ALWAYS VIEWED MYSELF AS AN IDEA! I see myself as a star that shines and lights that village by the valleys of River Chania. My childhood was lived in the valleys of Ngethu where I attended nursery school and my early years of primary school. Dad used to take my brother and I to the roaring waters of Chania river early in the morning. You can still hear the sounds and the roaring of river Chania as you walk down the valley by father's house. During our forefathers' heroic and enduring struggles, the Chania's waters cleansed their sweating and bruised bodies, including my grandfather; Sebastian Muiruri who fought for the independence of Kenya. Our women fetched its waters, sweet waters that fed a lifetime.

I CAN STILL SEE my grandmother sitted on her three legged stool (njung’ua) telling us folk stories whilst blowing into the pipe to keep the fire lit. Then she would remove the hot sufuria (cooking pan) with her bear hands and serve us tea in very huge mugs. As a child I decided that it is better to live in this life than to merely observe amidst the wind, literally. I would stand in a way that I could not see any part of my body, just to see how the world is beautiful and imagine that I was not there. I was less than five years old then, and I felt it was better to be in the world and be part of nature’ beauty.

AT 27...I AM AT MY BEST with no apologies. I find myself right on track literally by the years with the personal dreams that befriended me, the dreams that due to my past could only be shared with my parents and close friends. Now the future is here and I feel the need to confirm the foundations of my life in order to live my dreams. First of all identity is everything. I am a Pan-African, a kikuyu and Ngethu star. My cultural beliefs are central to my personal development.

IN THIS LIFE, I intend to move mountains and be one of life’s greatest success stories; at least to my people. We shape our realities with our dreams, hopes and aspirations. I am an idea that turned into hope, then belief and now conviction. Always knowing I am winning even when seemingly losing, being passionate, finding laughter and smiling with my eyes, giving hope to all and showing my heart to all, having the confidence and courage at all times and looking into everyone eyes is what it will take. Most of all believing in God and acknowledging the love and protection he has always accorded me will light the path I create. Love is the greatest gift that God gives to all, Love is that which God fills on earth through us in order that we share. GOD IS LOVE!!

From Sheffield to Ngethu and Back to Myself

IT’S GREAT TO BE BACK! It’s been a while since I last wrote here. I left Sheffield on the 23rd of December back to the place where I was destined to be born. Now I know that destiny has no recollection and is simply an end to all that is born.

I HAVE TO CONFESS as I readily admitted to myself, that before I left this country to go home, I was going crazy, mad and nuts and any other thing of the sort that the colonial language may care to express. In my language I was about to ‘kuguruka’.

SO I WENT HOME. I met, saw and rediscovered everything that ever inspired me. All the questions that had trapped my mind in my body were answered. This is now 2007, the year that I hope to make the most progress in my PhD.

NOW BACK with all the answers, I ask myself what I asked myself in 2005, the most successful year of my life. Being dedicated to School is only one thing, its important to think outside the box. In 2005, I wrote:

“WHAT DOES THIS YEAR HAVE IN STORE FOR ME? Or is the question, what do I have in store for this year? My quest to find love and to live in it and share with love all human beings is my highest wish.

“YES THIS IS MY UTMOST GOAL IN LIFE and it takes a lot of will to achieve it. My soul is strong and will live for all humanity. I was blessed with the gift of life, to breathe in and out seems the simplest and easiest of things, but it is not the same for everyone. Yes I appreciate and remain forever grateful but I will strive to ensure that it is easier for everyone else as well.

“YES I KNOW I am a strong person and whose character ensures triumph in the face of all adversity. But I realise that it is not the same as everyone, yet they are human just like me and how human it would be to share myself with them and display the strength of the human spirit by simply showing myself.

“I KNOW that I do advocate for the highest state of humanity, yet I know that I am in this world and so many before me have sold their souls to the ways of the world. This has been the single most profound fear. Is I am what I say I am, then why do I have this fear in my heart. I am glad that I have this fear for it should confront me during the times that the line will blur and I will resort back to what makes the essence of me: my heart for all.

“I MANY A TIME think and feel what I do not understand, I have for many years have said and written things I cannot comprehend. Many a time I have understood but not connected all I say to the circumstances that present themselves. I am I living in the past or do these things prepare me for the days that the bigger picture will avail itself before my very eyes?

“I TALK OF EMPOWERING MY PEOPLE I yet given the paper and pen, I cannot list their names and what consoles me is my beliefs for they are good and must be for the good. I seek to see deeper and I look at people’s eyes seemingly identify myself with them in ways that have not been expressed in a comprehensive way. So I trudge on living and knowing what in the end all will come to light.

“HAVING THE WILL, always knowing I am winning even when seemingly losing, finding laughter and smiling with my eyes, giving hope to all and showing my heart to all, having the confidence and courage at all times and looking into everyone eyes is what it will take. Most of all believing in God and acknowledging the love and protection he has always accorded me will light the path I create. Love is the greatest gift that God gives to all, Love is that which God fills on earth through us in order that we share. God is Love.”